Heavy is the familiar weight we all put on ourselves to have it all figured out, all of the time.
As I navigate year 2 as a business owner during covid, the one thing I wish I had were answers. I wish I knew what the future held. There re so many open ended questions that are sometimes paralyzing and all I want is to have it all figured out.
I raise my daughter Addison, much like I teach my yoga and meditation classes, by turning everything into an opportunity to learn and grow.
So when Addison encountered her first bump in the middle school road last week, I swooped in with my Mindful Mom cape to save the day. She is experiencing the most quintessential middle school drama, especially for girls. She went over to a friends house to hang out during the weekend and another friend got jealous and proceeded to start some serious drama admist Addy's friend group.
Silly really, but we are all still playing out this drama in our adult lives...every time we scroll through social media.
Addison was upset about recent drama because the friend who got jealous reached out to some other mutual friends to spread the jealous energy, but telling everyone else "you'll never believe what Addy did..."
Addy, worried about going to school on Monday and have every friend turned against her, came to me for guidance. We chatted about some strategies, talked through some possible scenarios. At the end of it all I did my Mindful Mom thing and asked her what was the message she was learning from this.
She paused for a few seconds and said "I don't know Mom."
Those words are powerful and we don't allow ourselves to say them out loud enough as adults and we should. Who says we have to have it all figured out all the time. Why do we feel so pressured to know what everything means right as it happens?
Addison reminded me this with her simple answer to my deep question. Of course she didn't know, she was right in the middle of the wash cycle of a challenging situation, unsure of how it would all play out when she got to school on Monday morning.
Her sweet child innocence reminded me to be gentle on myself. It's ok to not know, which is about the most helpful guidance of all as I try to continually navigate these ever rough waters of owning a business in the middle of this covid journey. I wish I had all the answers, wish I knew when business would bounce back. I wish I knew how to market to people in this brand new landscape. I wish I knew what things would be like in 6 months, a year 5 years from now. I wish I knew the long term shifts to this industry. I wish I knew what people were thinking. But I am right in the thick of this wild wash cycle and the deeper wisdom hasn't fully emerged. I am typically on top on and one step ahead of everything, but I still feel like I am holding my breath.
So I take an exhale, thanks to Addison. Maybe the deeper wisdom is simply that. It's ok to not know.