Anytime in your life before a big decision is made, there is a feeling, a desire, maybe even a longing from some place deep within your soul. A profound reason filled with meaning that fuels you to move forward. I have come to know this feeling as the big WHY. As our life progresses we tend to get caught up in how, what and when and along the way we loose sight of our WHY. That deep soul feeling that was the reason we started, made that leap in the first place.
I remember right before I had Addison I asked everyone I knew with a kid to tell me everything. I wanted to get the scoop. How hard would it be, what was I in for. I guess at the time I wanted to be sure I was prepared on what to expect. I read all the books, maybe naively thinking it would make my journey somehow easier. We all know how the story goes though. You are never fully prepared. Armed with a range of advice from "It's great" to "don't do it" I dove in to starting a family, spending the past 10 years of my life doubting myself every step of the way. Laughing till it hurts, crying until there is nothing left, loving deeply and growing in ways we are never aware are possible.
So it was no surprise when I found myself at the threshold of another huge life decision, do I open a yoga studio or not? I felt that familiar inner rumble. There was that feeling from a place deep within myself, a revealing of a life's purpose that began to drive all my waking moments. It was my WHY. It propelled me to take a leap on a venture I wasn't sure I was cut out for, but the WHY was to huge to ignore. So I began, just as I did all those years ago, calling all my friends and colleagues that own yoga studios with the same inquiry "tell me everything."
I needed the scoop. How hard was this going to be, what was I getting myself into? Again I needed to be prepared, needed to know what to expect. Just like motherhood, you can listen to advice and personal stories, but as always you are never fully prepared. I had such a strong WHY that I moved forward boldly with a wide range of advice. Everything from "it is the best" too "if I could do it all again I never would have opened a studio."
The first year was glorious, I soaked up every second. It felt easy, magical even, as it should when you follow your calling. Year two started off great as well, the growth of the studio was so lovely I was looking into larger spaces, everything you want in a new budding business. Then out of nowhere came the hardest struggle of my professional life.
In the span of a weekend - the world changed, lockdown began and I embarked on the most challenging journey I obviously never expected would occur. In true fashion, I was not prepared. None of us were ...for any of this.
As the weeks turned into months, the struggle deepened and before long it became a scary fight to survive and still continues to be one quite honestly today as I type this.
The harder it becomes, the farther I slip away from that deep feeling in my soul that started this whole adventure in the first place. I have spent countless long days and sleepless nights researching, participating in webinars, reading articles, taking seminars...desperate to find the solutions to make it through this and rebuild my business. When deep down that isn't what I need. We have never been through this before, this industry has never experienced anything like this before. No amount of webinars are going to save me. It has become clear what I need - I have lost something vital and it is about damn time I rediscover it.
So with the anniversary of the studio this week I paused and reminded myself of the most important resource, asset, solution possible...my WHY.
We are all struggling in ways unique to our own journey with more than we ever imagined. I believe in my heart of hearts that it would be healing medicine if we take some time this week to rediscover our WHY. Why we teach, why we do art or play an instrument. Why we are in the field we are. Why we are in school , why we started, why we began a yoga practice. Why we love that person sitting across the stressed out dining room table from us. WHY