If you have stepped foot inside my #yogastudio it will come as no surprise to you, that I am a neat freak. The space is immaculate, everything in it's place. I am at the studio every day and I'm not going to lie, most days I clean. Even if I cleaned the day before. It brings me peace. The past 3 months of owning this studio have brought me immense joy and to clean it everyday is something I put a lot of heart into. I am taking special care to make sure that the studio is immaculate so that it might be a pure home for my beloved students to transform within.
So it will come as no surprise that I keep my house just as immaculate. The beds are made everyday, there is rarely something out of place. The other day I had a very rare afternoon at home and noticed I had some free time. Everything was tended to for the business, I had taken care of myself that day already (#exercise, #meditation, #rest). So I got super excited, busted out my favorite duster and you guessed it...started cleaning. I made my way around my house, becoming more and more at #peace as each room became clean. I made my way into my bathroom and as I began dusting the light fixtures I was utterly appealed and shocked to see cobwebs on the lights. Never in my life have I allowed cobwebs to accumulate, it is very unlink me.
As I stared at these cobwebs I thought to myself in horror "oh god I have let myself go..."
The longer I looked at them the more I saw them as a glaring sign that I was failing. I have been putting so much of my energy, well actually all of my energy if I am being honest, into growing, caring for and cleaning my business that I have slipped in another arena of my life.
I felt ashamed, guilty, embarrased, angry with myself. No one could see these cobwebs but me, but the weight of them felt like a ton of bricks on my heart. "I am failing...I can't handle it all" I kept thinking to myself. In that low moment of doubt the words of my #meditation teacher #tarabrach filled me heart. She once told me "be tender with yourself, you are doing the best you can."
Thank goodness I recealled this lesson when I did cause I was allowing these cobwebs to take me down a deep hole of doubt and shame. They are just cobwebs after all. Harmless little cobwebs...everyone has them and they are no indication of my worth. So I stared back at them and looked at why they are there. I am poring my heart and soul into cultivating something meaningful with the opening of #shiftyoga this year. I reminded myself of how hard I am working on this goal and with all that hard work means cobwebs are likely to build in other arenas of my life.
I took a few deep breaths, dusted the cobwebs away and vowed to myself that the cobwebs would no longer symbolize failure, but they would represent how hard I am working, how much I am accomplishing, how big my heart is. From that day forward cobwebs symbolized that I am doing the best I can and that is ultimately all that matters.
Cobwebs will accumulate in some arenas of your life sometimes as you shift your energy to other tasks, goals, dream, projects and missions. May you look at them not with shame, but with pride and remember to be tender with yourself. You are doing the best you can.