When I opened this studio 4 months ago I received an outpouring of love and support. It literally overwhelmed my inbox and my heart. Everyone was over the moon proud and excited...except for 1 person in my life.
It's a shame too cause they were a dear friend, but I understand their lack of support, they are in the same industry and competition and jealously is and ugly beast. It certainly sucked and so interesting that we will breeze over the thousands of adoring fans to obsess about the one hater. It's what we do for some reason and I certainly did. I obsessed about the outcome. This person drew a hard line in the sand and in one phone call shut me out. It was clear she couldn't handle it, but I am not going to presume to understand what she was thinking or feeling. I am just going by her actions and they spoke loud and clear. She did not want to continue being friends.
There was not a single congrats, that's awesome, good luck, you'll do great, i'm so proud of you. Just coldness,disconnection and an ending that I was refusing to accept.
I did what any of us would do...I fought for the friendship. Convinced she needed time, I waited for her to cool off then I reached out. "Hey, we should be supporting, uplifting each other and working together, can we talk?" CRICKETS
I let a little more time go by...then again "hey can we meet for tea" and still nothing.
It was clear I was working to hard for something that wasn't worth it. Fighting for someone who doesn't support me to stay in my life...I was forcing it and it didn't feel good.
Why? I have no idea really. Maybe to get over the hurt that someone can just drop you out of their life like that. Maybe because deep down as humans we just want everything to go well and work out. We desire there to be no conflict, no discomfort. Just look at the way we pilot our #yoga practice. We want everything to go well, every posture to work out for our body, mind and spirit, that we often force ourselves into shapes that aren't serving us? Why? I don't think we know entirely either.
If the posture isn't serving us, if the relationship isn't working there is only one choice to make. If we have to force it, we have to leave it!
So here I was forcing a friendship that was not salvageable and it was consuming my thoughts, my energy, but it took me a while to wake up to the fact that I was forcing it. We always come to our senses eventually, hear the message loud and clear ultimately. I got there...woke up one day and realized I was forcing it and when it wasn't working, I was forcing it more. It became simple and the wisdom came as always from what yoga has taught me throughout my life. If you are forcing the posture, let it go. If you are holding your breathe, it's time to rest, if you have to force it, it's time to leave it.
So I did, I left behind the hurt of being tossed out by a friend, I left behind the effort to save the friendship, I left behind the idea that I have to make everything work out all the time. I left it all.
And just like that I am Free!
Look at your yoga practice and your life through this simple lens of truth. If you are forcing it, it's time to let it go.